Tales of a Teen with Alyssa: Choosing the Right Friends
Today, Alyssa is back with a really tough and painful story about a close friend who turned out to be a negative force in her life. Read her experiences and how she turned around her hurt to create healthy boundaries.
My second blog entry is about finding the “right friends.” Friends are very valuable and they are an important part of life, especially being a teenager. The hardest part is choosing the right ones.
Recently, I went through a hard time as my former best friend decided to dump me (this is how it felt) and rub other friendships in my face. We were so close, but when she saw that I had another friend over (as I saw and heard from others that this is when things went downhill) besides her, she started excluding me and talking behind my back. When I would come around, she would start talking about all the plans she was making with other girls. The girls would tell me that she would only do this when I came around, and then stopped when I walked away.
I wish I’d had the nerve to say something to her face right then, but I didn’t. We had spoken about going to the gym together to get in great shape for our graduation beach day and then she would rub in my face that she was going with this other girl. The straw that broke the camels back is when a group of us had spoken about going to a school wide dance together and we all decided we were not going to go. Later that night, she posted photos of herself and a friend at the dance. Her excuse, which by the way came from her mother, was that they decided to go at the last minute.
I would’ve been okay with that answer, but there were too many other incidences prior. Before this, she was also sending me videos and photos of her and this one girl to my personal snap chat. I wouldn’t care if she posted on her story but this was a direct, purposeful hit to me and was so obvious. You should never have a friend, especially a best friend, who doesn’t support you, lies to you, excludes you and rubs other friendships in your face. That is just plain cruel.
You should never have a friend who isn’t kind to you. Friends are people with whom you should be able to share, and entrust your deepest secrets. People who will have your back no matter what.
If you have a friend who betrays you in this manner, you have to set your boundaries and know who you are. This was so hard for me because I didn’t want to lose this friend. However, you should only have friends that bring you up, not down. The cruelness she has shown as school has made me realize that I would never want someone in my life who could act this way.
I have learned so much through this loss. Although painful, it has taught me who my true friends really are and how to set boundaries. I know what kind of friend I am. Although not perfect, I know I’m 100% loyal, trustworthy, and not cruel. I will not accept that from others and you shouldn’t either.
Know what kind of friend you want and be that kind of friend. I have moved on in a healthy way and hope my advice can help others going through the same thing. I will pray for her as I feel she can only hurt others because she is hurting herself. Thank you!
Alyssa Antoci is the fourteen-year-old author of an anti-bullying children’s book called The Purple Marble. She speaks regularly in schools as an anti-bullying advocate. She also has a charity called Just a Little Cloth Children’s Charity, where they donate fancy dresses to underprivileged girls, because every young girl deserves to feel beautiful. Follow her on instagram @alyssabantoci.